Mommyhood Lessons

As much as I learned from the experience of pregnancy in nine months, there have been far more lessons of mommyhood in a short two weeks. I know this list won't do justice to the many things we've learned, but they are the first ten that come to mind on this quiet (ah!) Saturday morning:

1. "Gross" is a relative term, and one that has lost much of its meaning.

2. I am able to sleep in a much wider range of conditions than I previously thought possible, including puddles of fluid that I don't even attempt to identify because I am so tired.

3. Old: Happy wife, happy life! New: Happy baby, PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

4. Girls also tinkle when you remove the diaper. The advantage is that it dribbles instead of shooting across the room - but can still ruin a perfectly clean sleeper at 4:00 a.m.

5. I don't know who invented the pacifier, but this individual should have a Nobel Prize in his or her possession. Ditto baby swing.

6. Sometimes babies' eyes appear to be crossed. I'm pretty sure this is because they are trying to imitate mommy, who has not slept through the night for at least three months now.

7. Dressing a baby is, indeed, like trying to put an octopus into a bag.

8. Two of my favorite things about the transition from pregnancy to mommyhood: coffee and wine. Not necessarily in that order.

9. "Sleep when the baby sleeps" is fantastic advice, but difficult to follow when you'd also REALLY love to do things that require two hands, such as have a hot meal/take a shower for the first time in three days/catch up on emails or phone calls/do laundry/wash dishes. Not that I've ever gone three days between showers....hahaha...ha ha...ha....

10. Netflix seasons of Law & Order, Wire in the Blood, etc. make for great company and a great reminder of what grownup life was like sans baby (spur-of-the-moment travel? thrilling adventures? sexy dates at fancy restaurants? check, check, and check!). (Not that my life was like that to start with - some of our favorite dates involve Dunkin' Donuts and the Sonic drive-through.)


In summary, mommyhood is the life-changing experience that everyone promised it would be. And I don't ever want to go back!

SDG