Perhaps that's an exaggeration. Instead of a lion, let's compare my first trimester to...shall we say, a large, ornery housecat? For the most part, when I've felt sick it's just been a steady queasiness rather than huge waves of acute nausea. And while I've been tired, I have been pretty good about going to bed relatively early and taking naps when necessary. It's been several weeks since I needed a power nap at work, and I haven't felt queasy in about the same amount of time. I thought things were settling down and ready to ease silently into the second trimester.
Well.
I don't know what Peewee's doing in there, but the last week has really ramped things up. I have not only been eating everything in the house (literally. I think we have half a carton of blueberries and some matchstick carrots in the fridge), but there has been a resurgence in nausea and fatigue. This is week 12, people, we should be moving forward, not backward.
On Sunday I questioned whether I'd make it to church. I blamed the heat that morning, but since then I've continued to feel much more queasy throughout each day as well. Today is the worst, with dueling hunger and nausea all morning. I had two eggs, scrambled, with cheese, and some potatoes from the hospital caf (I can eat eggs, just can't stand to smell them! It helps that they are so buttery and unhealthy here; masks the eggy-ness). I have been nibbling crackers and sipping my water - should have grabbed a ginger ale from the caf while I was there.
And I just took a 20-minute power nap here in my office, which stretched into a 25-minute nap when I hit the snooze button. I really think I could have slept all day. Do you think my supervisors would approve? Thankfully my 10:00 appointment canceled, giving me a little extra time to make up for the nap. This afternoon, my last scheduled appointment/meeting ends at 3:00. Can I justify heading out early? I rationalize this by telling myself that I will get the same amount of work done whether I go home to sleep or remain a zombie here.
Well those are the details of my day. I'm looking forward to ladies' night tonight at Janell's house, and made mini muffins for the occasion. Miraculously, I didn't lose any ingredients and nothing burned in the oven. If I can just squeak in a nap after work, I might be good to go. Otherwise, Laurie, be prepared to carry me home.
In two days, I will officially be 12 weeks pregnant. One more week, and I'll be starting into the second trimester. That is so hard to believe!! I keep telling myself that I'll start packing as soon as I get to that point and have that fabled energy resurgence...it's like a unicorn mermaid mirage right now. Please, let it really exist!
A Big Gulp and a Prayer
And I don't mean the kind from 7-11.
For the past month or so, I have been waiting to hear about a potential postdoctoral residency near Lancaster. This is one that I was blessed to be connected with through dear friends at church (thank you, Migdalia, if you're listening!). The interview process went fabulously, and the practice is a small one comprised of Christian clinicians - to me, there could not be a more desirable place to serve as a resident and, hopefully, as a psychologist once I'm licensed.
Enter: Baby Pearce
How does one navigate the interview and potential hiring process while pregnant? I have wrestled with the question of when to let the practice know about my pregnancy, and heard myriad opinions on all sides: don't tell them til after you get an offer, because it could bias their opinion and damage your chances of getting the position! Tell them as soon as possible, it would be unfair to withhold such an important factor from the discussion, etc. What to do?
After much prayer and reflection, it seems inevitable to me that I must act with integrity and trust the Lord in this, as in all things. Thankfully they are Christian folks, and I acknowledged some of these things when I gave them the news.
So....now they know. Or will as soon as they check their email. Please join me in praying that the Lord will help us to trust Him with this opportunity, and that if it is His will, I'll be offered the residency sometime next week. It is easy to view my pregnancy right now with just the slightest tinge of discontent, thinking that this isn't the most ideal timing. This, coming from a woman who has poured out prayers and tears before the Lord, longing for a child! How like Israel I prove myself to be, time and again!
Lord, teach me contentment and trust in this season of pregnancy, even as I reach new depths of sinful self-centeredness.
As Joel reminded me, whether I get this job or not, I have a little baby inside me. This reminder silenced me in gratitude. Brothers and sisters, I would not trade this sweet blessing for any job or for all the money in the world! This is truly a wonderful gift from the Lord, and He WILL continue to provide all our needs, just as He has during our first four poor years of marriage. We have all that we could want in Him, in the blessings of salvation, our marriage, our church, and our expanding family. All else is dust in the wind, after all.
For the past month or so, I have been waiting to hear about a potential postdoctoral residency near Lancaster. This is one that I was blessed to be connected with through dear friends at church (thank you, Migdalia, if you're listening!). The interview process went fabulously, and the practice is a small one comprised of Christian clinicians - to me, there could not be a more desirable place to serve as a resident and, hopefully, as a psychologist once I'm licensed.
Enter: Baby Pearce
How does one navigate the interview and potential hiring process while pregnant? I have wrestled with the question of when to let the practice know about my pregnancy, and heard myriad opinions on all sides: don't tell them til after you get an offer, because it could bias their opinion and damage your chances of getting the position! Tell them as soon as possible, it would be unfair to withhold such an important factor from the discussion, etc. What to do?
After much prayer and reflection, it seems inevitable to me that I must act with integrity and trust the Lord in this, as in all things. Thankfully they are Christian folks, and I acknowledged some of these things when I gave them the news.
So....now they know. Or will as soon as they check their email. Please join me in praying that the Lord will help us to trust Him with this opportunity, and that if it is His will, I'll be offered the residency sometime next week. It is easy to view my pregnancy right now with just the slightest tinge of discontent, thinking that this isn't the most ideal timing. This, coming from a woman who has poured out prayers and tears before the Lord, longing for a child! How like Israel I prove myself to be, time and again!
Lord, teach me contentment and trust in this season of pregnancy, even as I reach new depths of sinful self-centeredness.
As Joel reminded me, whether I get this job or not, I have a little baby inside me. This reminder silenced me in gratitude. Brothers and sisters, I would not trade this sweet blessing for any job or for all the money in the world! This is truly a wonderful gift from the Lord, and He WILL continue to provide all our needs, just as He has during our first four poor years of marriage. We have all that we could want in Him, in the blessings of salvation, our marriage, our church, and our expanding family. All else is dust in the wind, after all.
Phantom Belly Syndrome
At almost 11 weeks, I still have to remind myself some days that I am pregnant, that there is a tiny baby growing inside of me. Thankfully, yes, that means that I am feeling less sick and at least getting used to the fatigue. What is strange is that I seem to have some sort of pregnancy-related body dysmorphic disorder going on. In other words, when I look down at my belly, it looks rounder. My pants don't fasten without significant discomfort. The Bella Band and maternity pants are standard attire. However, when I look at myself sideways in the mirror, it doesn't look like anything has grown! (Well...not my belly, anyway.) What is up with this?? I feel strange wearing maternity pants, like they are overkill, but my regular pants definitely hurt when I button them.
The big question mark in my mind is whether people at work have begun to notice any difference in my belly. I try to wear looser tops, but sometimes I feel it's obvious that my pants are unbuttoned beneath my Bella Band and/or that my waistline is starting to look chunkier.
To be honest, I didn't think I would be subject to the body image issues of pregnancy. I assumed I would be so grateful and ecstatic to be pregnant that all of the body changes would be received with equal gratitude and excitement. But this in-between limbo stage is tougher than expected...I don't yet look truly pregnant, but in the meantime I feel ambiguously chunky and unfeminine.
Thankfully I have a husband who finds me beautiful and feminine no matter what pants I can or can't button at the moment. He loves that my body is getting ready to grow our baby through the next seven or so months, and is excited for me to sport a baby bump. I just look forward to the pregnancy becoming more obvious so that I can rest assured that "I'm not getting fat, I'm just pregnant!" Though at the same time, I suppose I shouldn't wish away my ability to sleep on my back or, for brief stretches, on my stomach.
Why am I so vain? Pregnancy is not about appearances, it's about the joy of new life! I must remind myself of this all. the. time. What a humbling experience to know that I am not above incredible selfishness during a time when I should be completely rejoicing in God's goodness and the marvel that we will soon welcome an entirely new person to our family!
Thanks for listening. I think that just writing about this has helped me regain some perspective. It's not about the size of my belly, but who's inside and the One who is knitting him/her together!
The big question mark in my mind is whether people at work have begun to notice any difference in my belly. I try to wear looser tops, but sometimes I feel it's obvious that my pants are unbuttoned beneath my Bella Band and/or that my waistline is starting to look chunkier.
To be honest, I didn't think I would be subject to the body image issues of pregnancy. I assumed I would be so grateful and ecstatic to be pregnant that all of the body changes would be received with equal gratitude and excitement. But this in-between limbo stage is tougher than expected...I don't yet look truly pregnant, but in the meantime I feel ambiguously chunky and unfeminine.
Thankfully I have a husband who finds me beautiful and feminine no matter what pants I can or can't button at the moment. He loves that my body is getting ready to grow our baby through the next seven or so months, and is excited for me to sport a baby bump. I just look forward to the pregnancy becoming more obvious so that I can rest assured that "I'm not getting fat, I'm just pregnant!" Though at the same time, I suppose I shouldn't wish away my ability to sleep on my back or, for brief stretches, on my stomach.
Why am I so vain? Pregnancy is not about appearances, it's about the joy of new life! I must remind myself of this all. the. time. What a humbling experience to know that I am not above incredible selfishness during a time when I should be completely rejoicing in God's goodness and the marvel that we will soon welcome an entirely new person to our family!
Thanks for listening. I think that just writing about this has helped me regain some perspective. It's not about the size of my belly, but who's inside and the One who is knitting him/her together!
Baby's First Portrait
I believe this speaks for itself: Everyone, meet our baby!
Also, I am pleased to inform you that Dr. Cammarano placed my progress at 9 weeks 3 days, with my due date at January 15, 2011. He's only one day off - I'm actually 9 weeks 4 days, due on January 14, 2011. Not bad, Dr. Cammarano!
Yes, I am more correct than the medical doctor wielding the medical technology. Hehe.
Also, I am pleased to inform you that Dr. Cammarano placed my progress at 9 weeks 3 days, with my due date at January 15, 2011. He's only one day off - I'm actually 9 weeks 4 days, due on January 14, 2011. Not bad, Dr. Cammarano!
Yes, I am more correct than the medical doctor wielding the medical technology. Hehe.
Preggo Brain Strikes Again! (And again...)
As I sit here licking the spoon after my recent foray into brownie-making, I simply must share with you the latest in a long series of pregnant-brain anecdotes. Truly, I am grateful to have something on which to blame these impressive lapses in intellect.
It started innocently enough, as I was gathering ingredients for brownies for tomorrow's chuch picnic. Vegetable oil, check. Brownie mix, check (don't judge, I'm making the crock pot beans from scratch!). Eggs....oh no! The bottom right refrigerator shelf is empty! My mental process went something like this: How can we be completely out of eggs? Surely Joel wouldn't have used the last of them knowing I had to make brownies today? I don't want to buy more, since we are getting a dozen tomorrow from our farm-fresh supplier (read: Laurie Troxell, fantastic friend!). Dang it! What am I going to do?
I went so far as to Google egg substitutions.
Having found an acceptable alternative, I went to the fridge for the applesauce and then to the mixing bowl....next to which I found a carton full of eleven eggs. Words cannot describe the gratitude I felt for being alone at that moment.
It kind of reminded me of that time (last night) when I wanted to mix up more cinnamon-sugar for some toast (at 11:30 p.m.) and went all over the apartment looking for my laptop to Google the right proportions of cinnamon to sugar (ever the perfectionist). I found Joel using a laptop in the bedroom and asked whether it was his or mine, to which he replied that my laptop was in the kitchen.
Yeah. You'll never guess where I found it. Right next to the sugar canister I had abandoned in order to find my laptop.
Dang it, I forgot to set the timer for the brownies! Gotta run!
(The fact that I have a doctorate is so ironic right now. What do you mean, you don't want me responsible for diagnosing and treating your mental health concerns?)
It started innocently enough, as I was gathering ingredients for brownies for tomorrow's chuch picnic. Vegetable oil, check. Brownie mix, check (don't judge, I'm making the crock pot beans from scratch!). Eggs....oh no! The bottom right refrigerator shelf is empty! My mental process went something like this: How can we be completely out of eggs? Surely Joel wouldn't have used the last of them knowing I had to make brownies today? I don't want to buy more, since we are getting a dozen tomorrow from our farm-fresh supplier (read: Laurie Troxell, fantastic friend!). Dang it! What am I going to do?
I went so far as to Google egg substitutions.
Having found an acceptable alternative, I went to the fridge for the applesauce and then to the mixing bowl....next to which I found a carton full of eleven eggs. Words cannot describe the gratitude I felt for being alone at that moment.
It kind of reminded me of that time (last night) when I wanted to mix up more cinnamon-sugar for some toast (at 11:30 p.m.) and went all over the apartment looking for my laptop to Google the right proportions of cinnamon to sugar (ever the perfectionist). I found Joel using a laptop in the bedroom and asked whether it was his or mine, to which he replied that my laptop was in the kitchen.
Yeah. You'll never guess where I found it. Right next to the sugar canister I had abandoned in order to find my laptop.
Dang it, I forgot to set the timer for the brownies! Gotta run!
(The fact that I have a doctorate is so ironic right now. What do you mean, you don't want me responsible for diagnosing and treating your mental health concerns?)
The Word is Out!
Well, secret baby blog, it won't be just the two of us for much longer. (Three if you count Becca, who has already graced us with a comment!) Brace yourself, because there are a whole lot of excited friends and family out there just clamoring for pregnancy news!
Please, do not ruin my delusions with your petty realism and anti-narcissistic nonsense.
Welcome, friends and family! Welcome to the great joy that has been growing for the last 9 weeks! We have been bursting at the seams to tell you all about Little P, and the time has finally come. If you read a little further, you'll learn about our first prenatal visit today and the reason for our outpouring of news. It's really, truly official now :-).
Stay tuned to this blog for various and sundry pregnancy updates, if you're so inclined. We'll also do our best to keep friends and family informed via phone, email, and word of mouth, but this will definitely be the quickest, easiest way to stay current. If, you know, you're as excited about my pregnancy as I am.
Welcome again, and thanks for joining us on the journey!
Please, do not ruin my delusions with your petty realism and anti-narcissistic nonsense.
Welcome, friends and family! Welcome to the great joy that has been growing for the last 9 weeks! We have been bursting at the seams to tell you all about Little P, and the time has finally come. If you read a little further, you'll learn about our first prenatal visit today and the reason for our outpouring of news. It's really, truly official now :-).
Stay tuned to this blog for various and sundry pregnancy updates, if you're so inclined. We'll also do our best to keep friends and family informed via phone, email, and word of mouth, but this will definitely be the quickest, easiest way to stay current. If, you know, you're as excited about my pregnancy as I am.
Welcome again, and thanks for joining us on the journey!
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