On Charging Something Other Than My Phone

I don't know about you other mommas out there, but recently I've been starting to lose myself, I think. One writer referred to it as "disappearing into the peanut butter". If I could remember where I read that, I'd share it in a heartbeat, because it was one of a number of mommy articles that really resonated with me. Despite providing zero opportunities for ever being alone, motherhood can be profoundly lonely at times.

And I say that as someone with a GREAT support network, a moms' group at church, local family, and non-local family who love and pray for me regularly. Also a pretty stellar husband who knows from the tone of my voice on our end-of-the-day phone call whether it's a "mommy needs to go lock a door and hide for twenty minutes" kind of day.

I think that's the main reason why I've come back to blogging more. I LOVE to write. And writing has the double benefit of clearing out the gunk in my mind, and helping me feel like I'm connecting with others who might read, comment, resonate with the experience. It's impossible (or at least much more difficult) to feel invisible and isolated when you're putting something out there.

Today's is-anyone-else-out-there? post is on postnatal fitness - er, realizing I'd like to recognize my midsection again. You guys, I carry torpedo babies. My transverse abdominus is all like, you want me to transverse WHAT? And then it throws up its hands in defeat and retreats to eating ice cream in front of HGTV. No wait, that was me. But seriously, how is this even possible?

Oliver would enter the room a solid minute before the rest of me at the very end.

My midwife even laughed at my six-week postpartum visit as she checked my tummy. She said she had NEVER felt a diastasis as wide as mine. I think she was exaggerating, because it's like maybe a two-finger separation, but still, that'll make a girl feel foxy and cute. (Before you think my midwife was a total ogre bent on triggering postpartum depression, she did compliment my ankles.)  All that to say, diastasis rectus definitely wrecked us. And while I've lost almost all of the baby weight, when Isaac pokes my middle and exclaims, "Squishy!" something's gotta give. Other than my mummy tummy under the duress of a two year old pointer finger.

So I've been bookmarking websites about healing diastasis, and yoga for lower back pain, and postpartum core exercises, because the first step to physical fitness is having the browser history to back it up. Then, yesterday, I figured out how to pair my phone with our Amazon Fire Stick. (It plugs into the TV and allows us to stream Amazon Prime, Netflix if we had an account, YouTube, and numerous other apps. We can also instantly back up our photos and videos from phone to the cloud and see them on our TV.) Now, I can search YouTube workout videos on my phone or laptop, favorite them in my Google/YouTube account, and they are there to play when I turn on the TV. Gone: my excuses for not getting my body moving.

Well, yesterday and today instead of letting the kids watch Creative Galaxy, I played a beginner's yoga session and then a postpartum core video, #1 in a 5 part series, and I even added (two child-shaped) weights for resistance. In other words, I served as a jungle gym for my children as  I struggled to hear directions over their chatter and/or see the instructor clearly over or under my glasses as I very gracefully accomplished each pose. I had some very Urkel squinty moments, y'all. Drop your head and relax, but still watch my every move so that you maintain your peaceful center without falling over. Yup. Maybe next time.

Today was day two, so clearly I have earned my Beginner Yogi badge and should order the $70 yoga mat I have my eye on.

But seriously, I can't believe how relaxing the yoga is! I felt a connection to and awareness of my body that I hadn't felt in a looooong time and you guys, it wasn't awful. For someone who only runs when in danger of being devoured, that's saying something. This body can still be good to me, if I decide to be good to it. The (potentially) graceful movements was no-impact on my joints, which for me is important, and I can tell yoga will indeed help me to strengthen and tone very, very gently.

The postpartum core workout lady was like my soul mate. She got me. She encouraged me to go slowly and assured me that I can build up to the other workouts. It was like...she knew me, or maybe just a thousand other women who have also carried and pushed babies out of their woman parts.

I'm feeling fit(ter...let's be realistic), I'm feeling more centered, I'm feeling more like an actual, feminine person instead of a frumpy servant who exists to manage the two extremes of her children's digestive tract. I've regained a sense of respect for my body, which I've been pretty down on lately - stupid tummy, weak back. Hey, my body birthed three humans, and is still able to practice yoga and jump in on some core reconditioning. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to ramp up to any serious cardio or anything. My frequency of showering will not support any degree of sweat, trust. But...hey body, I guess we can be friends.

p.s. I still dislike the words "exercise" and "work out" because they make me think of sweat and pain and having to carve out a large chunk of my day. I prefer "get moving", "connect with my body", "have some mommy time", etc. Doesn't that sound less intimidating and more relaxing? It helps me remember how I will actually feel during and after: GREAT!!

Oh, and I'm also feeling super tech-y because did you catch the part where I paired my iPhone with my Fire Stick and can sync up my YouTube playlist? Yup. That was me. Look out, I can control the world with the push of a button!

It's great to be taking more control of my day, and having it not be totally kid-centered. The littles are seeing me value health and my body, and I invite them to join whenever they want (two minutes max so far, but it's a start). I've also been trying (with slow success) to read more, my Bible and my moms' group book (Housewife Theologian, SO GOOD and not just for housewives), though this post isn't primarily about that. By putting a little more focus on me - my physical and spiritual health - my kids are going to benefit so much, even if it's just a better mood from mommy as I reclaim my identity a bit. I don't think I realized just how long I've put all of my priorities on the back burner for the sake of being the wife and mom I think I need to be.

That's not to say I'm embarking on some great self-rediscovery that will culminate in me burning my nursing bras and calling home to tell my husband he better order Chinese again. But balancing myself, re-prioritizing, so that my relationship with God, myself, and my husband are in order, has the added benefit of refilling my mommy bucket as well.

p.p.s. to dispel the Super Mommy myth that might be formulating in your imagination, my big kids played legos, mostly peacefully, and the baby slept part of the time and later did this to my living room:

(That's not as bad as I thought it was in real life. This just looks like a few scattered socks, shoes, and books, nothing a good foot-rake won't clear up in a jiffy. Sweet.)

How about you? What recharges your battery and allows you to approach your responsibilities and "must-dos", as well as the people in your life, with greater love and joy?