Don't Wiggle in My Arms

Sometimes when I'm holding my baby girl, she squirms and wiggles in my arms. Sometimes she grunts as though trying to escape, and sometimes she even lets out a wail, maybe not even realizing that she is in her mother's arms. This morning, during one such instance, I found myself having these thoughts...

I want her to know that in my arms, she is completely safe. That here, nothing can harm her because I am her strong shield. Nothing can reach her without my permission. I am her protector and her provider. I watch her every motion and listen for her every cry; even when I sleep, I hear her sounds and know her movements. I want her to learn that even when I do things that cause her discomfort, like a bath or a diaper change, they are only ever for her benefit. I want my precious Mikayla to know that she can trust me and have no fears. She can trust me in every way for all her needs. If I'm not sure what she needs, I will figure it out. If she needs something I don't have, I will get it. I want her to know how much I love her, and always will. That I will never, as much as is within my power, allow her to be hurt - never truly hurt, and never without my arms waiting to bring comfort, never without my hands waiting to dry her tears. I will never leave her, and she will never know a day when she is not welcome with me. She is my beloved daughter, of my own blood and from my own body, and my love for her is fierce.

She's only a baby and has no knowledge of these things. She has no understanding yet of who I am, that my life's purpose now is to be her mother or even what that means. I wish that I could provide this understanding to her, especially in moments when she is clearly terrified. How it breaks my heart to have no way of communicating that she has nothing to fear and, in fact, is in the safest possible place.

Then my thoughts turn upward...

Lord, how often do I wiggle in your arms, not trusting that I am in the safest possible place? How often do I cry with my eyes closed, forgetting who holds me? How often do I fear what is ahead, disregarding your promises of faithful protection and provision? How often do I forget that I am your precious daughter, made yours through your body and blood? How many times do you remind me in Scripture to be still, and know that you are God?

Father, each time I rock my baby, remind me of the words of Psalm 139 and that, as I am a mother to my child, you are my heavenly Father. How much greater is your steadfastness and trustworthiness than my own! As great are my promises to my daughter, my ability to fulfill them pales next to your inexhaustible faithfulness. Oh God, be her rock as you have been mine. Help me to mother her, and continue to teach me these marvelous lessons about your love.

Psalm 139:1-18
1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

SDG