Sweet son of mine, not yet born, I haven't written to you before now. I'm afraid it's the plight of the third born - your big sister and brother keep me far too busy to allow me to reflect on you for very long. But in all the moments between snacks and naps, diapers and drama, my thoughts turn to you. And my stars, how you steal my attention, even when I can't spare it! You sit low, and you move so vigorously, your presence in my belly is hardly subtle. Everyone seems surprised that my due date is still two months off - but then, my babies all tend to sit right out in front of me, announcing themselves proudly to the world.
Baby boy, I am so looking forward to meeting you. The lullaby that was sung to me as a baby, and is now sung to my little ones, questions, "Who will you be tomorrow? What are the paths you will follow?" How I love to ponder this as I feel your kicks and wiggles! Your siblings have taught me that motherhood is, yes, molding and teaching little souls, but it is far more learning and getting to know little personalities than I ever dreamed! They have brought so much joy that I may be more excited about meeting you than I was about meeting my firstborn, if that is at all possible. Motherhood just keeps getting better!
The themes of this pregnancy have been provision and peace. When I learned I was carrying you, my heart inclined more than ever toward my children and home. I began to pray that God would give us a way for me to be a momma full-time. I knew it was what I wanted, and I had a peace that the Lord would bring it about, though I couldn't fathom how. And I knew it wouldn't necessarily be a popular or understandable choice to many people, for a licensed psychologist with a doctoral degree to lay all that aside to change diapers and wipe noses and spread peanut butter - but it is simply a different, more demanding, more precious kind of kingdom work than what I do at the office. The Lord led us, prayerfully, in faith, to the decision that I would indeed stay home with you and your big siblings, though it leave us broke. And in His time, He has ordained just these last few weeks for your dadda to have a new job that will provide. Hallelujah!
While carrying you, our family has gone through significant stresses and changes, including a possible return of your Papa's cancer. We prayed and prayed, and even while we waited for news and test results, God covered us all with His peace. He granted us, supernaturally, to trust Him that whatever the outcome, it was in His hands. And, supernaturally, all those tests were clear. Again, the theme of provision. Hallelujah! Your Gramsie and Papa are moving, now we are moving, and your Aunt Brittany and Uncle Kory await news of their future plans as well. Peace and provision are what we continue to seek, and the Lord continues to give in abundance.
We have peace with the Lord through Christ, and trust His hand for our daily bread; He assures us that we are His beloved. Precious boy, know that your name arises from the Lord's faithfulness and the ways He has shown Himself in these first months of your life. Just as Mikayla Grace reminds us of God's generosity in granting us fertility, and Isaac Victor recalls the surprise and laughter of God's plan at his birth, your name will commemorate God's granting of peace and provision through incredible upheaval and change. I love you already, not least because of what you will symbolize to us as you arrive in our arms. And we will have you baptized, sealed as the Lord's, with the promise that His peace will extend to you all your days.
Oh, there you are again, leaping to remind me that you love to be awake at this time of evening. I can almost picture how you must look, all arms and legs competing for space, tiny elbows poking your momma. How precious you are, how precious you will be. Grow, baby boy, and get your exercise in there, because you will need your strength to hold up to the exuberant love that your big sister and brother are just dying to share with you already! Can you feel the raspberries they blow all over my belly? Do you enjoy or dread the "love bonks" that your brother imparts? He asks to see you, pulls up my shirt, and says "Oooh, he's nice! He's big!", loving on you as only a sweet two year old can. Your sister tells me all the time how she will help you walk, how she will hold you in her arms, how she will feed you. And she asks frequently if the baby is ready to "pop out" yet. Get ready, my sweet, for you enter into a family that will simply smother you with love!
With all my heart,
Momma
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