I Might Vacuum Every Day

This post is not illustrated because I want you to be able to sleep tonight, safe in your ignorance of what was previously living in my bedroom carpet.

I bet you are SO. CURIOUS. now about what in the world this is all about. Fear not, your curiosity is about to be sated.

If you are Facebook friends with yours truly, you probably recall a recent focus group/market survey conducted to determine the best under-$200 vacuum cleaner available. The consensus was the Shark Navigator Pro, based on friends and family who either own or covet this machine.

Since we're poor on a budget, we opted for the non-Pro version which, frankly, based on Amazon descriptions it is rather difficult to know what comes in the box. Based on the reviews, we concluded we'd be able to at least vacuum carpet and bare floor and probably reach the ceiling fans with some manner of extension wand/hose. Ok, fine. Beggars/choosers and all that.

We usually get our Amazon Prime orders in two business days but APPARENTLY large items "might" take longer. And even a "lightweight" Shark qualifies as large which...actually yeah. But understanding doesn't magically breed patience so it has been like a month (ok, five days) of waiting with dirt and toe lint and goldfish crackers continuing to build up in the carpets. Our navy blue bedroom carpet is particularly fond of showcasing EVERYTHING that falls onto it so I could practically count down to delivery by marking the layers as they inched up the baseboard.

I don't know where my daughter gets her propensity for drama and exaggeration.

Anyway, Joel arrived home from work today with a gigantic box and promptly incited all manner of excitement in our children for the new vacuum cleaner. It's amazing how saying anything with enough enthusiasm makes them think candy and unicorns are raining down from heaven. We pulled our basic Navigator out of the box only to find, instead of the lavender Shark Navigator, the white Shark Navigator Pro! And of course only the basic non-Pro attachments. I am still trying to figure out who ordered both and returned just the parts they didn't want. We've got the FrankenSweeper.

But holy moly, does it work like a charm!! Swivel steering, HEPA filtration, and a canister that opens with the push of a button. And it is practically self-propelling AND the canister and handle lift away to vacuum the stairs with a small attachment. I vacuumed the entire. house. including the hardwood dining room. I even "made" Mikayla stay up an extra fifteen minutes late so that I could vacuum the playroom underneath her bedroom. (It was a real sacrifice, I'm telling you. She struggled through one final episode of Daniel Tiger in her purple kitty hat, with naught but her Candyland cards to keep her company. So, basically two-year-old heaven.)

The part I won't show you, because I love you, is how appallingly, shockingly full and disgusting that canister was after every room I vacuumed. The worst was our dark blue bedroom carpet. Double ugh. Apparently our Dirt Devil had been on the slow decline for QUITE awhile, or else we are truly slovenly people who roll in dirt and then grind it into our carpets. Actually that is really quite an apt description of at least two of us.

On the bright side, it scratched an OCD itch that has been hovering just below my conscious because I am feeling so stinkin' "aaaaahhhhhhh" about it all.

Unfortunately, I also quite overdid it and am now suffering from Vacuum Cleaner Wrist. Please excuse me while I apply ice and inspect the parallel-ness of my carpet lines.